Sorry this is so long! This is my way of processing the events of the last week. Blogger has eaten this post 3 times now so let's hope this one works.
Wednesday morning started early. I got a text at 12:55 from mom that said "It's over" Leah had passed away. Zoe, Caleb and Callie were upstairs in my guest room sleeping. I crawled out of bed and went upstairs to see them sleeping peacefully and I prayed for them knowing the heartbreak they faced in the morning. Then Callie started crying and I carried her to the game room to comfort her. She looked up at me and said "My mommy is in heaven. She isn't sick anymore. She loved me very much and so does my daddy. There are lots of people who are going to take good care of me." I gave her a big hug, told her I loved her and she fell asleep on my shoulder and didn't wake until morning. The kids slept in and I didn't want them to figure out what was going on when they came down and saw the clock and realized they were late for school so I set the clock back a few hours. We ate breakfast quickly and went outside for a bike ride while I waited for Neal, Mom, Dad and Grandma Lisa to come and fill the kids in. As they pulled up my heart broke as I saw the innocent, joyful eyes fill with sorrow and tears...they knew thing would never be the same. God never promised us things would be fair or easy but he did promise he would be there to hold us and carry us through the hard times. This song kept playing over and over in my head all day:
A little later that morning we went to the park to hang out and let the kids be kids. Ben was unusually grumpy, he wouldn't drink his Sonic slush, and he felt a bit warm so I sent him home with Andrew. About 5 min later Molly had to go to the bathroom NOW! So we headed home too. Her bike broke about 50ft into the ride so I had to push her the whole way home. When we got home Andrew reported that Ben had a temp of 103 degrees. We put him down for a nap and Andrew and Molly worked on mulching the flower beds. Molly had a blast but she was filthy!! Ben woke up much happier and his temp was down to 100.3 so we decided to let them play in the baby pool in the backyard to clean Molly off and the cool Ben down. They were having so much fun playing when Ben tipped over on his back. I said "Ben, sit up." He didn't. I went to get him and he was stiff as a board, his lips were purple and his skin was a blue/grey color. I pulled him out of the pool and he began to shake violently, his eyes rolled back in his head, he wasn't breathing and he was foaming at the mouth. I was terrified I was going to lose my baby boy. I began to yell for Andrew to come and help and called 911. I will admit here I almost called my mom first..A girl needs her mom in a tragedy. When Andrew got there to sit with Ben I called mom on the other line to have her come get Molly who was watching the whole thing happen. I knew in my head that it was a febrile seizure but it was still the scariest 2 min of my life so far. The ambulance got here and we got a (very expensive) first class ride to Texas Children's hospital. They kept him overnight for observation to make sure he didn't get water in his lungs when he went down in the pool. The next morning he was diagnosed with herpangina a form of coxsackie virus. We were in for another day of fever and very painful ulcers covering his mouth and throat. My poor little monkey. Hopefully we don't need anymore hospital stays...not fun with a toddler!!
I am so thankful for all our friends and family for all the amazing support and prayers. We really felt "HELD". My phone was ringing off the hook and the text messages were pouring in before the ambulance even left our house. Thanks Mom and Dad for keeping Molly while we were in the hospital and while Ben was recovering even though you had so much on your plate already. You will never know how much that meant to me. Thanks Uncle Ryan, Aunt Amanda and Nana for coming to visit. Thank you so much for dinner and distractions Tara, Anne, Holly and Stacie it was such a blessing to have you there! Holly thanks for keeping the little man so Andrew and I could be together at the funeral, I needed him there with me.
Hopefully we don't have another day like this one!
Ben in his camo carseat on the ambulance gurney....safety first.
Ben sleeping in the "cage" at TCH.
How do you entertain a sick toddler in the hospital? Rubber gloves of course.
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